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Let’s Talk About How We Talk

There comes a point, usually around the 37th piece of constructive feedback in a week, when even the most motivated, well meaning employee starts thinking, Give me a break. I am trying my damn best. And honestly? They probably are.

If you have ever felt like you are doing everything you can and your boss just keeps delivering feedback like it is Amazon Prime two day shipping, you are not alone. It is draining, demoralizing, and it makes even the most growth minded person start to shut down. The truth is, when feedback comes from the top of the org chart, it hits different.

Think about the power dynamics here, because they matter. Feedback from a peer? Annoying. Feedback from a manager? It hits harder. It carries weight. It lingers. Because behind every note or suggestion from your manager is the question your brain automatically fills in.  Am I failing? Are they disappointed? Is my job at risk? Even if none of that is true, the emotional math still adds up to pressure. And when that feedback starts stacking up, it does not feel like coaching it feels like you are constantly under review.

This is where it gets messy, right? Because the thing that gets lost in the “feedback is a gift” Kool Aid we have all been forced to drink is this, feedback is only helpful when it is delivered in a way people can actually hear it. (Read that again.) Especially when it is coming from someone who signs off on your performance reviews. Otherwise, it is just noise or worse, criticism dressed up as development. It is not about being too sensitive. It is about being a human at work.

You are allowed to say something when feedback starts to feel like a steady drip of you are not enough. You are allowed to push back, not on the content, but on the delivery. You can respect the role and advocate for yourself.

This is where it gets tricky. Because pushing back on a manager can feel risky, even if it is done with the best intentions. But if you do not speak up, you will end up in a resentment spiral, silently stewing while trying to act unbothered in your next 1:1.

Try saying this, I want to do well, and I am open to feedback, but I need it in a way that is helpful, not overwhelming. Can we talk about how we communicate moving forward?

This is respectful. Clear. Non-defensive. And it sends a message: I am here to grow, but I need you to meet me halfway. That is someone taking responsibility and setting a boundary. That is leadership, no matter where you sit.

Sometimes the feedback avalanche is not even about you. It is your boss being stressed. Or unclear expectations. Or poor communication. Or… they never learned how to give feedback that motivates instead of micromanages. But when it lands on your plate, it is easy to internalize it as, I am not good enough.

That is when resentment starts to brew. Because how do you stay motivated when it feels like nothing you do hits the mark?

You talk about it. Not in a rage quit, flipping the desk kind of way (tempting, but no). In a clear, grounded, human way.

Normalize saying things like:

  • I want to make sure I understand your expectations. Can we align before I move forward?

  • I appreciate your feedback. Can we also talk about what is working? That helps me stay focused and motivated.

  • Can we talk about what you observed and how that impacted the situation? I want to be sure my intentions are clear.

None of this makes you difficult. It makes you emotionally intelligent, proactive, and committed to success without sacrificing your sanity. Feedback is not a monologue. It is a conversation. So speak up. Set the tone. Advocate for clarity, not chaos.

Because you can want to do better and want to protect your mental bandwidth. Those two things are not in conflict they are the blueprint for sustainable success.

Managers, if you are reading this, your people are trying. They are not resisting growth they are resisting overwhelm. There is a difference.

If your team member tells you they are feeling buried under constant feedback, believe them. That is a moment to step up, not double down.

And if you are the one on the receiving end, remember, advocating for how you receive feedback is not a weakness it is a strength. It is how you build a sustainable, productive relationship with the person who shapes your career.

Here is the bonus! When you ask for feedback to be more thoughtful, clear, or constructive, you are not just advocating for yourself you are offering your manager a mirror. A chance to build awareness, adjust their leadership style, and actually lead more effectively. That’s growth for them, too. Model the kind of communication that creates better teams, not just better employees. You turn a feedback loop into a feedback culture.

Say the thing. Start the conversation. Because feedback should help you rise, not wear you down.

ღ Chi

Call to Action: Change the way feedback works for you and your team. Start the conversation. Send this to your manager. Share it with a colleague. Bring it to your next 1:1. If you are the manager talk to your team candidly about how they like to receive feedback.

Because creating a culture of better feedback does not start with a policy it starts with a person who is brave enough to speak up.

Let that person be you.

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