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Seen

There’s a weird kind of loneliness that comes from wanting to be seen while also praying nobody looks too closely. Wanting someone to notice the hurt, the exhaustion, the way you’ve been holding everything together with shaky hands and caffeine and pure survival instinct… but also being terrified that if they really saw you, they might decide you’re too much, too emotional, too broken, too needy, too human. So you perform. You crack jokes in meetings. You answer I’m good on autopilot. You keep producing. Keep leading. Keep showing up polished enough that nobody asks too many questions. But underneath all that is a quiet little voice whispering, please see me. Please notice I’m drowning before I convince myself this is normal. And the messed up part is… when somebody actually does notice? Panic. Immediate panic. Because being seen means being vulnerable. It means somebody could confirm the fears you’ve been fighting in your own head. It means they might see the cracks you worked overt...
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Becoming

Some people meet me now and only know this version. the employed version. The dependable version. The leadership version. The one who knows how to steady the room when things get hard. But if you pulled random people from random ages of my life and asked them where they thought I’d end up? Some of them would’ve never guessed this life for me. I have lived in my car behind the same bar that fed habits I thought would swallow me whole. I have skipped meals so my kids wouldn’t have to. I have shown up to work knowing the electricity was out until payday. I have smiled through workdays while privately trying to survive my own life. I’ve buried people I loved. Watched some disappear into prison systems. Watched others lose battles nobody could see from the outside. I’ve learned that grief doesn’t always come with funerals. Sometimes people leave in pieces while they’re still alive. And maybe that’s exactly why I see potential in people so quickly. Because when you’ve li...
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Sugar

I had a leader who used to tell me, You need to soften your tone. People will accept the message better. Put sugar on top and sugar on the bottom. Sugar on top. Sugar on the bottom. Mess in the middle.  At the time, it made sense. It sounded like emotional intelligence. Like care. Like strategy. And years later, I still think about it.Because now I notice it everywhere. I notice when people do it to me.I notice when I do it to others. I notice the pause after the compliment, when the air changes slightly. When the person receiving it braces just a little. Waiting. Not for the compliment to land. But for the correction they assume is coming next. What I have noticed is people aren’t receiving the coaching or correction any better because of the sugar. But they are learning to fear the compliment. I remember telling a friend at work, That was great. Even though the presentation started slow, you hit it out of the park. It was the best I’ve ever seen you do. She never got past the eve...
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Calm

  I’m not good at calm. Are you? I’m good at capable. I’m good at productive. I’m good at holding it together long enough to get through the meeting. Calm? That one takes effort. Because calm isn’t my default. My default is fast. Fast thoughts. Fast responses. Fast feelings. Someone sends a spicy email? My nervous system drafts three replies before my brain catches up. So no    I’m not naturally calm. But I read somewhere that corporate life is realizing your job is 30% execution and 70% emotional navigation. No one trained me for that! Reading the room. Managing tone. Not escalating when someone else does. Not letting someone else’s urgency become your panic. That’s hard people! Here’s what I am learning: Calm isn’t a personality trait. Calm isn’t quiet. Calm is controlled chaos. Calm isn’t perfection. Calm is not letting someone else’s mess rent space in your head. It’s the pause before I hit send. It’s the breath before I defend myself. It’s the decision not to match s...
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Purpose Driven

We have something at my work called Pause for Purpose. At the beginning of meetings, we stop just for a moment and recognize something meaningful. Sometimes it’s a team that showed up during a natural disaster to help families get back on their feet. Sometimes it’s employees volunteering in the community. Sometimes it’s people doing extraordinary things when the world gets messy. And I love that we do that. I really do. Because in corporate spaces, we talk a lot about values. But when you pause the agenda to honor service, real human service, that tells people those words aren’t just printed in the company newsletter. They are practiced. This matters. Since I’ve become a leader, things have happened. My perspective has shifted. I’ve been exposed to the why behind the time off. I’ve spent more time listening to a bigger group than just my handful of usuals about their kids, their bad mornings, their big wins, their big losses. And something happened recently that shifted the way I think...
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