Expectation Bomb

I want to talk about the expectation bomb. Do you know it? Clearly stated, uncommunicated expectations are pre planned resentments. (say it again for the people in the back)  And if you are clutching your pearls at that, you are probably the one who needed to hear it. We have all been there, seething quietly because someone should have known what we needed, expected, or assumed was obvious. But guess what? They did not know. People are not mind readers. They are just trying to survive their own calendar full of back to back Teams meetings, a hundred unread emails, and Susan from comp asking just one quick thing. Here is the truth, expecting people to magically meet standards you never actually told them about is a recipe for disaster. And it is not just annoying; it is toxic. It is workplace sabotage disguised as professionalism. Want that report done your way? Say so. Hoping for help on a project? Ask for it. Need your boss to actually give you real feedback instead of vague thumbs ups? Bring it up. Otherwise, you are just setting up landmines no one knows they are stepping on until BOOM, resentment explodes, confusion spreads, and passive aggressive emoji reactions become the new corporate language. If you do not say it, it does not exist.

On the flip side, there is the absolute chaos of constant, unclear critique. Why does that feedback feel like drinking from a firehose? You know the kind where you thought you were doing fine, keeping your head above water, maybe even proud of how you have been handling the chaos. Then BAM, a passive-aggressive reminder in a team chat, a vague comment in a 1:1, and suddenly, you are underperforming?! Excuse me? It is not just frustrating, it is disorienting. It is like showing up to work thinking you are playing soccer and finding out, mid-game, that everyone else expected you to be in a swim meet. That is the emotional cost of unspoken expectations on their end and unclear feedback on yours. It is exhausting. When your boss, teammate, or stakeholder has a secret checklist in their head that you have never seen, there is no winning. You are not set up for success; you are set up for confusion, anxiety, and low key shame spirals. No one does their best work from a place of guessing and second guessing. When feedback finally comes, it does not feel helpful. It feels like judgment day for something you did not even know was part of the class.

It gets worse. That kind of dynamic breeds resentment on both sides. They think you are dropping the ball. You think they are gaslighting you. And now instead of trust, you have tension. Instead of clarity, you have messages that sound like puzzles. And instead of feeling safe to ask questions, you start pulling back, keeping your head down, hoping to avoid the next landmine. That is not how growth happens. That is how good people burn out and check out.

Workplace communication is not a mystery novel. It is not a guessing game. It is not a test of psychic ability. So whether you are the one holding expectations hostage or getting hit with feedback like it is someone’s full-time hobby, here is how to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

RESET (Don't come at me, it is another acronym):

Recognize the expectation or frustration (Was it ever clearly communicated?).

Evaluate whether clarity was possible (Did the other person even have a fair shot at meeting it?).

State what needs to be said directly, calmly, no theatrics.

Exit the resentment spiral, fix the issue instead of stewing over it.

Tweak for the future: adjust how you communicate, set boundaries, and prevent the cycle from repeating.

Print it. Tattoo it. Make it your new inner monologue every time you feel your jaw clench over workplace nonsense.

I will say it again, unspoken expectations are not just a communication miss, they are a professional booby trap. And it is 100% fair to say, I want to do well here, but I need to know what well actually means. Can we talk about expectations more directly? That is not being needy. That is being clear. That is being someone who wants to get it right not guess their way through the workday.

And let’s be honest maybe you have been that person before, too the one who assumed people should just know. We have all been there. But this time? Flip the script. Ask the questions. Set the tone. Clear expectations do not just protect you they protect your sanity, your performance, and your relationships at work.

So here’s your reminder: you are not difficult for asking for clarity. You are not dramatic for needing structure. You are not failing you are just finally realizing that clarity is not optional. It is oxygen.

If people do not know what is expected of them, they cannot deliver. If feedback does not come with clarity, it is useless. So stop making people decode your expectations. Stop making vague critique feel like an existential crisis. And for the love of all things professional, just say what needs to be said because the alternative is resentment, burnout, and a workplace full of people quietly plotting their escape.

ღ Chi